“edited” by AL SOUTH
M This rant is from Damnation.Is anybody else out there just completely sick of all these ZOMBIES walking around with their fucking earphones in, staring into a goddam SCREEN? Walking while texting and staring into a screen, driving while texting and staring into a screen. It’s ridiculous, I don’t understand what the hell is going on—but I think it’s got to be stopped. Frig! We’re going to all have implants soon and the screens will be in our eyeballs! [BLEEP!]
M Hi, I want to recollect that the only time I ever met Leonard Cohen in person was by a very serendipitous accident. I was visiting an artist friend on the Main who had a studio upstairs, she was surviving on Ramen NOODLES. It was a Sunday morning and I went out for a breath of fresh air after a long night of savouring the poetic life. And there’s Leonard walking past my doorway. I couldn’t resist the option of asking for an AUTOGRAPH, which he of course he obliged, being the GENTLEMAN that he is. And I said, I’m sorry sir, I have no pen or paper. He took out his pen—he also had no paper—and he wrote his signature on my arm. He’s a sweet guy, Leonard. Long may he run. [BLEEP!]
F I have to agree—those two redesigned Kraft Peanut Butter Teddy Bear head shots look like two VOYEURS on the label. I just want to punch them out of their PEEPHOLE. They just look too close, too stoned, too much like PERVS and are about as charming and compelling as the paparazzi. When you see a whole slew of such jars on the store shelves you really get the gist of it. [BLEEP!]
M With all the French-from-France arrogance taking over the city I’m glad to see it finally found a home in the Rant Line™. Maybe our tasteless foods make us OBESE, but you know what? We’re nice. I guess all your cheap wine and cheeses make you motherfucking arrogant. [BLEEP!]
F About the food in France being cheaper than here. Number one, no. But yet are food is expensive and crappy and it’s all packaging. So I don’t blame the young kids for stealing it. [BLEEP!]
F I don’t understand why the metro has raised the damn price when the system hasn’t improved and Montreal is basically a third world city. There are no jobs, the streets suck—Montreal is like a PETTY little piece of shit city. It is charging the already poor—not even middle-class—poor citizens fucking $3.25 to get on the Metro to go downtown or to the Plateau or wherever you have to go. It’s ridiculous. I am so sick of this city and its Mafioso stupid bullshit. [BLEEP!]
M Yes, I’m a SMOKER, I’ve been smoking since I was 15 years old. I just went downstairs and the Depanneur Lady said that the tobacco companies are raising the price again. Every three months a pack of cigarettes goes up just a little notch further. I find this is intolerable, especially since they are selling us cigarettes that we can’t quit because we are physically addicted to the shit. So what I say is that the douchebag companies who are reaping robber baron-spoils off the poor SAD SACKS like me who can’t quit smoking should be VILIFIED. Trying to avoid a cigarette in Montreal is like walking through a field of poison ivy in your SHORTS and expecting not to get infected. It’s unavoidable and expensive, and they should have some compassion. [BLEEP!]
F Bell wants to mind the minds of others, I say mind your own first and repair all the broken neglected Bell telephones you’ve got around town. The pathetic mental health commercials you’ve come up with are so annoying and repetitive that you’re left wondering if Bell isn’t off their ROCKER themselves. Malfunction seems to be a happy medium for Bell. Takes one to know one. [BLEEP!]
M This is the rant right back at the girl who works at a call center and says we should answer our phones when they call and not hang up on them. First of all, it takes them several seconds to get on the line and talk to us after their STUPID MACHINE has bothered us at supper time or in the evening. So I say hello twice and then I hang up. And when it’s an 866 I don’t answer the phone anyway. Why the hell should I pay for a phone bill every month so these PARASITES can borrow us at home? The hell with them! The more we make their system no work, the more their bosses will try to find something else that works better and is more HUMANE. By the way if you get calls from the same company more than once, you can tell the guy that you are going to file a police complaint for harassment. I’ve done it and I put the company out of business by having their business license suspended, their phone service suspended, and a visit from the cops. [BLEEP!]
M My name is [gives name and phone number]. I was in the student hall and I was helping the kids to planify the economy to restrict bourgeois rights and build socialism. I said Canada was 49th in what concerns liberty of expression, behind a country like Ghana. And I was kicked out by the security guards! First they told me to take out the LITTLE STICK that was holding my red flag, they took that. Then they kicked me out and they even didn’t want me to hold my flag, without the stick. I was wondering, is it the security guards who run the university or do students have liberty of expression? [BLEEP!]
F Yea, a shout out to the CUTIE PIE who kept her eyes open as an OLD MAN climbed up the slope from below the look out on Mount Royal. 2015 is going to be a good year for you if karma works the way I hope it does. [BLEEP!]
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