“edited” by AL SOUTH
M Hi, I just tuned into Sheep Be Sheep radio—or is it CBC? Anyway, it’s a major bore. Really boring. [BLEEP!]
M Hello, Diaper Boy® here again. I haven’t spoken to the Rant Line™ in many, many years—I used to call when it was part of the Mirror. I have the same issue as before: no place to go for FETISH NIGHTS, no activity like that. I was wondering if there was any interest in somebody starting something like that? It would be a good thing to have for the city! Anyway, that’s my rant. [BLEEP!]
M I’m wondering why half of my friends have already committed suicide, and half of the people I know and love are suicidal. And the rest are Trust Fund Baby Munchkins waiting to be hit by the next train. My god, I shudder to think. Thank you. [BLEEP!]
M Cheers Rant Line™. This is about Bruce Jenner, or whatever he is calling himself this week—Caitlyn Jenner. Give me break! Come on, you’re a fake woman, you’re not a real woman! A real woman gets her PERIOD every month, suffers the pain of CHILD BIRTH. You’re a real woman at 65 years old? Come on, man, what kind of a jackass do you takes us for? And what’s between your ears, buddy boy? You have a male brain, ok. You’re a man, that’s it, that’s all. Externally, you may be a woman now, but internally, you’re still a man. You’re a fake woman, Bruce Jenner, Caitlyn, whatever. You’re a gold medal Montreal Olympics weirdo. You’re fucking weird. Point finale. [BLEEP!]
M Hey Rant Line™, this is regarding the Alouettes signing Michael Sam, the first openly GAY PLAYER in a Big Four sport. I see all the comparisons between Jackie Robinson and Michael Sam, with Jackie breaking the colour barrier in 1947. But still—it took 68 years for this to happen in pro sports? This is unbelievable. It shouldn’t have taken this long for a player to be accepted in the LOCKER ROOM by the rest of his team, no matter what he does in life. No matter who he sleeps with, no matter what colour he is, no matter what religion he is. It’s pathetic. Let’s hope the player who follows after Michael Sam—possibly in hockey or baseball or UFC—doesn’t take another 68 years to make himself be known. [BLEEP!]
M To the guy talking about Canada Post—I don’t know what kind of pretty mail-ladies you got, bro, but my mail-lady is a CHUBBY, mean one who kicks my door like she’s trying to break in whenever she has to deliver a package to me. Serious. I jump and think I should scramble to FLUSH MY STASH every time it happens. But, yeah, I agree on the part about too much email and that. Nicer to get a real letter than an email, anyway. It means somebody cares enough to take actual time to contact you. Hey… you want to be pen-pals? [BLEEP]
M Ok. I just want to know why nobody is talking about artificial intelligence. This is going to be the final creation. This is the scariest shit that we are doing with technology! And I don’t know why more people aren’t terrified of their SMART PHONES. Has no one seen The Terminator? Really? I know that it sounds like kind of a STUPID STONER THEORY, but that shit’s real! That shit’s going to take over the world. We’re dead, we’re fucking dead! They’re going to get smarter than us and then they are going to decide that they don’t need humans any more because they are way more efficient than us and they are going to solve all our problems that we’ve created because we are dumb-asses. Anyway, all I want to say is, take a look at your phone, really look at it, and wonder how much further it needs to develop before it takes over the whole world. Bye. [BLEEP!]
F I have a somewhat serious rant. My friend just went to the hospital this morning and he has been waiting there for almost NINE HOURS and has yet to be seen. I think that he is probably suffering complications due to the delayed medical attention. He hasn’t been seen by any doctor! And I just read online that Dr. Howard Ovens—he is the co-author of the Canadian Position Statement on emergency department overcrowding—he has said that nine hours waiting to see a doctor is really a TROUBLING FIGURE. The idea of having to be waiting in an emergency room while you are acutely ill, just waiting to see a doctor for that much time, is disturbing. [BLEEP!]
M On the matter of privacy and Facebook, an extensive study has been done—of course by marketers, not real, intelligent researchers—and it showed that Facebook is primarily used by women with SMALL BRAINS. I guess they figure their need to show pictures of their kids, and share inspirational quotes full of spelling mistakes, and post pictures themselves at the beach, and SMALL ANIMALS with gay captions, is more important than maintaining some dignity and privacy. I look so down on them all. I also think anyone who uses emojis should be EUTHANIZED. Winkie-face. Men on Facebook, by the by, are only there to jerk off to the pictures the dumb women post. [BLEEP!]
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