THIS WEEK: Justin Trudeau, False Equivalency People, Sophie Gregoire’s pocket! PLUS: Bob Dylan fans rise up in outrage!!

“edited” by AL SOUTH

M Yeah, I’m a male in my mid-50s and I’m responding to the jerkoff who ranted against Mitch Melnick and Bob DYLAN. Really—fucking Bono? You want to compare Bono to fucking Dylan? Are you fucking joking? Give me a fucking break. By the way, Dylan didn’t go to the Nobel ceremony because he’s been on a fucking endless tour for the past 30 fucking years and he’s always booked. But hey he sent a SPEECH. So if this little fucking TWERP who thinks that because Bono was nominated for woman of the year he’s better than Dylan—Bono has never written anything close to Dylan! Just remember twerp, that between ’65 and ’66, in 18 months, Dylan released three of the fucking best records that have ever hit rock ’n’ roll history including the number one rock ’n’ roll song of all time, “Like a Rolling Stone.” Really, Bono?! Him and his whole fucking band don’t fucking measure up to anything close to Dylan. Well, that’s my one rant, probably for my whole lifetime, thanks a lot for listening. And if you print it, I hope that this little twerp who thinks Bono is fucking great will read it. [BLEEP!]

M So I go to the FOOD BANK and I get these vouchers for Provigo, $10 each, thank you very much, god bless their hearts. I take them to the Provigo, I walk around all LOST IN THE SUPERMARKET—$8 for a tiny bag of PISTACHIOS, $5 for a steak, $80 for a turkey. It was so revolting and hideous that I lost my appetite, I felt like chucking my coupons into the trash. But I won’t, I won’t, I’ll try. Oh my god… food. [BLEEP!]

M Here’s my proposal for 2017 for Montreal. Let’s throw all the police in jail and free all the prisoners. Hallelujah. And if I’m not Leonard Cohen’s illegitimate LOVE CHILD I don’t know who is. [BLEEP!]

M Just reading the last Rant Line™ and seeing four or five rants about that band Graveland, and I gotta agree with one of the people—banning it gave it publicity. But I looked Graveland up on the net too, and they don’t look too much fascist to me, other than one or two photos of them doing NAZI SALUTES. The rest of the photos look like medieval VIKING-ish kind of stuff. And nobody mentioned the fact that LEMMY of Motorhead, rest in peace, was a big collector of Nazi edged swords and weapons and DAGGERS and the like. He had a huge, huge collection of that stuff. Nobody boycotted his shows, people still wear Motorhead t-shirts and they’re still very popular. Maybe these people who shut shows down like Graveland should concentrate their efforts on stuff that is threatening today’s world—like JIHADISTS. I don’t think Nazis are posing too much of a threat these days. I mean hey, this band is POLISH—Poland was one of the countries that suffered the most in the last world war. If they are that Nazi, you’d think that in Poland there would be some real outcry about having a Nazi band. Get your shit together, get your facts straight, man. Stop freaking out over supposed Nazis, seeing Nazis everywhere, man. What a joke. [BLEEP!]

F Hey. So I am really confused about something. The RECYCLING truck just came by and it was a GARBAGE truck and they put all the bags in and just mashed all into one big MUSH. Don’t they tell us to clean the jars and take the labels off stuff? And then they just mash it all together? What’s going on? [BLEEP!]

F Hey Rant Line™, I don’t know if you were just fucking with me, but I’m the girl who left the long and reasoned defense of JUSTIN TRUDEAU. [ed’s note: the rant was lost in a rare but major Rant Line™ system malfunction]. You might be joking but it’s important and it’s worth saying—Trudeau is not perfect, but you know who else was not perfect? Hilary Clinton. And if Hilary Clinton had have won the presidential election right now we’d all be talking about holding her to account on raising minimum wage, on extending maternity leave. We’d all be speculating happily on what cabinet position Elizabeth Warren might have in the Clinton administration. Instead, we’re facing the prospect of a potential HOLOCAUST, NUCLEAR WAR, a GLOBAL ECONOMIC CRISIS that will hit everybody. These False Equivalency People who said Clinton and Trump are the same, that Harper and Trudeau are the same, there is no difference—these are just privileged crybaby white people. If you look at the NDP, who I assume that anti-Trudeau ranter wanted to promote, they were for the Saudi Arms deal because of the union jobs. On Israel, Mulcair kicked anybody who was a little bit critical of Israel out of his party during the election. Pipelines—Mulcair didn’t have a position on pipelines. This was all while he thought he was going to win. And when he got reduced to a third party RUMP, which he deserved, suddenly he became the biggest SOCiAL JUSTICE WARRIOR in the world. So when the adults get in, and they have to govern, sometimes they have to make compromises. I’m all for CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM of Trudeau, that’s great, I’m happy to hear it, but you also need to look at what the alternative is. And the alternative would be Kelly Leach or Kevin O’Leary. If you can look your Muslim neighbor, your visible minority neighbor, in the face and tell them that Kelly leach, who’s stirring up hatred already in Canada, is a better alternative for Canada than Justin Trudeau, then power to you. But I just can’t do that myself and I will continue to fight crazy right wing nutjobs but I will also continue to try to educate ideologically pure left wing nutjobs as well. What happened in the U.S., it could happen here. These people who just want to tear a man down because he didn’t present a UNICORN to them at their front door, I just, I just don’t get it, man. We’ve got it so good here and theses people… they just want to throw it all away. Andyways, that’s my rant, thank you. [BLEEP!]

M Greetings Rant Line™. This is concerning Justin Trudeau’s visit to Sherbrooke, Quebec in the middle of January 2017. Justin Trudeau, you’re an asshole. The lady posed a question en anglais, in English—you should have answered her in English, you dickhead. You’ll never be half of the man your father was. You have no balls—they’re in Sophie Gregoire’s POCKET. You should not even be the prime minister of Canada, the only reason you are is because of your last name. But you are not really qualified. You were in the right pace at the right time, and it found you, and now you’re the prime minister. But Sophie Gregoire, she cracks the whip, your job should be—you LICK HER ASS. You do things like this to the Anglophone community, you’re going to see what is going to happen, Justin Trudeau. You’re going to be nowhere. The Beatles song “Nowhere Man,” it’s gonna be about you, bro. [BLEEP!]

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