THIS WEEK: STM diversity, Physical Graffiti, plastic ubiquity! PLUS: Is it better to be a prostitute or a rufiana?!

“edited” by AL SOUTH

M Hey, I am waiting for the bus and I was just thinking—did you ever see a BLACK BUS DRIVER here in Montreal? Did you ever see an Asian bus driver? Did you ever see any type of bus driver other that a pure white Quebecois bus driver? What is up with that? I think even the POLICE have more variety now. [BLEEP!]

F About kicking Sid Vicious in the balls. Let Sid Vicious rest in peace. He was a NICE GUY. He had nothing to do with whatever happened, you don’t know the whole story, there’s a lot of bullshit surrounding him. Let the man rest in peace. And as for kicking him in the balls, I would blow your fucking balls into pieces for what you said, you stupid son of a bitch. [BLEEP!]

M Hello, I’m commenting about the person who complained about the DOLLAR STORE PLASTIC. Well, yes, it’s obvious that when you go into a dollar store, it’s just this AMUSEMENT PARK of plastic shit. But it’s not just China, it’s the whole world that has a plastic problem. We have a problem with everything—from your Sunlight liquid detergent to your shoes, plastic is everywhere. I think that’s probably the challenge for humanity, apart from nuclear annihilation and other unmentionable people that run the governments of our world. It’s the whole thing, it’s not just China. [BLEEP!]

F Hi, this in response to the moron who thinks that people should be eating RICE and POTATOES out of the food banks. Why don’t you try going to a food bank and getting a small bag of rice and potatoes and a can of tun to last you for two weeks? See if you fucking like it. Fuck you moron. [BLEEP!]

M Hi, this is the guy who was whining about how limited his choices were with his FOOD STAMPS at the Provigo, and this guy calls up and says that I sound like I am living in my MOTHER’S BASEMENT APARTMENT. Now, I take umbrage to that. No—I was abandoned at the doorstep of my mother’s WOMB, and when you’re singing for a band called the Wacky Pack of Lobstermen from Mars, you ain’t got a lot of options buddy. Thanks. [BLEEP!]

M This might be boring for those who are driving Maseratis and Mercedes Benzes and Cadillacs, but I ain’t in that bracket. I want to share my grief that a bottle of SOYA SAUCE is $6, $16 for a hunk of ROMANO CHEESE and $40 for a LEG OF LAMB. Let’s not go on. So yes, it’s very important to go vegan and just eat BIRD SEED. [BLEEP!]

M Greetings Rant Line™. This one is about the album Physical Graffiti from Led Zeppelin, 1975, and the opening track is called “Custard Pie.” It’s a great rock tune and I’m listening to it this afternoon. Now I’ve had this album since 1991, I bought it at L’Échange on Mount Royal. Double album. And it just occurred to me that Robert Plant—he’s not talking about dessert! It’s actually a different pie that your girlfriend serves up for you if you’ve been a really good boy! Enjoy gents. Have a good night. [BLEEP!]

M I just realized that the first week in December in 1980 has got to be the WORST WEEK in the history of rock music. On December the fourth you had the press conference to let the world know that Led Zeppelin was ending because Bonham had passed away that September. And then four days later John Lennon gets shot to death in front of the Dakota Apartments in New York City, thus ending any hope forever for a complete Beatles reunion. Two events, one after another, unbelievable. The worst week in rock history, bar none. [BLEEP!]

F This is to the man who ranted that OLD PEOPLE falling and dying on ICY STREETS is natural and keeps them from living to a hundred and being a burden on society. People who fall and break hips don’t usually die. They often suffer painful and long recoveries, and you better believe that that puts a big burden on our health system. Plus all that shit you’re saying is called AGEISM, my friend, and you better grow put of it, because one day you too will wake up and be… old. Unless god forbid, you die young from a fall while riding around the iceless summer streets of Montreal without a HELMET. Hey, maybe that’s also natural and keeps people from living to a hundred and being a burden on society. Traffic accidents, hmm, by your logic that’s just another way to cull the herd, eh? Bye. [BLEEP!]

F Hey, I just want to give a shout out to NEO-LIBERALISM. People bash it all the time. But when FACISM is knocking at your door, neo-liberalism is not so bad. I think about this high quality of living that I have—you have to appreciate what you’ve got. You can’t just say let’s BURN IT ALL DOWN to the motherfucking ground, because you know what comes out of that? Donald TRUMP. And now the richest and freest nation on earth is going to be turned into a fascist fucking basket case. We’re all going to lose our high standard of living, we’re going to be all fucking poor and y’know, I’ll see you all in the SOUP LINE. [BLEEP!]

F To the guy who called Melania Trump a prostitute, it’s better to be a prostitute than a RUFIANA. And as for Donald Trump being a pousti and a malaka—I think he’s trying to do the BEST JOB that he can. He’s closing borders for a reason in Mexico and all around—because of the DRUG DEALERS. I don’t think you should be bad mouthing him. [BLEEP!]

F Well guess frickin’ what, I’m going to rant to you right now! I’m going to rant to you right now! Oh my Lord! We went to frickin’ CHOIR, and we practiced for 12 hours and then they pulled us out of the choir and made us leave because of severe weather warnings in our county, and we don’t even get to perform. And we practiced for more that 12 hours and we don’t even get to SING OUT. And I’m so SAD. [BLEEP!]

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