THIS WEEK: Donald Trump is a mouni, Leonard Cohen mural is a monstrosity! PLUS: Sad and disturbing story illustrates need for public toilets!!

“edited” by AL SOUTH

M Hey I just read a story in the Globe and Mail about the massive LEONARD COHEN MURAL that Mayor Coderre is putting on Crescent street, and I have to agree with the writer, who said it is a MONSTROSITY. The street is tacky, the building is ugly and should never have been built, and Leonard Cohen himself would not have been caught DEAD drinking on Crescent street with the coke sniffing anglos and DISCO DOLLIES and pickup artists who made the street what it was, and still is. It seems our mayor has about as much taste and refinement as DONALD TRUMP. I suggest that now is the time for controlled, or uncontrolled, DEMOLITION. KA-BOOM. [BLEEP!]

M Went to the Shobaleader One show last night at Club Soda. Goddam, it was good. Thank you to Squarepusher and the rest of the team—Company Laser on drums, Art Nution on guitar and Strobe Nazard on keyboards. An amazing show, Squarepusher Sobaleader One is always welcome back in Montreal. Hope to see you soon. Peace. [BLEEP!]

F Hey Rant Line™, this is a response to the gentleman who stated that Donald Trump is a MALAKA and a POUSTI. He’s both of those things, I agree. But the real issue here, if we are using GREEK terminology, is that Donald Trump is also a MOUNI. And we can laugh—sometimes I laugh so hard I cry at how insignificant and insecure and pathetic and dumb and ignorant and just overall disgusting and gross this man is. Sometimes I laugh and it’s great for comedy, but a mouni with the nuclear codes is a really scary prospect, it’s a sobering thought. But there is a saving grace who has arrived on the scene and his name is Emmanuel Macron—he has been SWINGING HIS DICK around on the world stage like you wouldn’t believe. So yes, Donald Trump is a mouni, but we do have a savior for western democracy, a man whose BOA CONSTRICTOR-SIZED COCK will probably save the western alliance if he just keeps swinging it around for the next five years. You gotta take the wins, it doesn’t matter how you get them. And it’s a beautiful thing if this disgusting populism totalitarianism truly goes down—and when the pousti malaka mouni finally goes down, it’s going to be something else. The western alliance will be preserved because of one man, Emmanuel Macron. I say, let freedom ring. [BLEEP!]

M Greetings Rant Line™. Donald Trump is an asshole, that’s all I have to say. Ciao. [BLEEP!]

M Doctor, I have a problem. I’m starting to like Donald Trump. Like Michelangelo touching fingers with god. Doctor, what’s wrong with me? Or the world? [BLEEP!]

F Not to rain on anyone’s parade, but I just wanted to use this forum to remind everyone that the real meaning of Canada Day is 150 years, or more, of oppression of the INDIGENOUS PEOPLE who were here long before us and whose land was stolen and whose culture was destroyed. There is nothing to celebrate. If anything, the day should be spent in PRAYER, begging for forgiveness. But that would be useless, because there is no god, although it was in the name of our god that we slaughtered untold thousands of innocent people. As well as the BUFFALO. Happy Canada Day. [BLEEP!]

M Hahaha. I just saw the two women got in a fight at an A&W downtown and were scrapping so hard that fell out the window! Two stories down onto the street. Two drunk women in their 20s. Now that is an awesome CATFIGHT. C’mon people, where are the videos of this fight in action?! Somebody must have shot it? Please? [BLEEP!]

M This is response to one of the contributors who said he has not seen any BLACK BUS DRIVERS in Montreal and finding that to be racial bias. I in fact have seen quite a number of black and ethnic bus drivers. But I will say this, that Montreal is not Quebec, so the WHITEBREAD CONSTITUENCY of Quebec in general and it’s history and all and its approach to racial minorities is not Montreal at all. Montreal is not Quebec just like new York is not the United States and Paris is not France and so on. It just takes time to establish perception and lifestyles. It’s beyond anybody’s control which as a matter of fact is a good thing. Anyhow I happen to disagree with that observation by that contributor. [BLEEP!]

M What is with people shitting on the streets? Ok, I know that sounds weird, so let me explain. I live in the Plateau, on a street just off St. Lawrence, on the ground floor, and the other day at around 6 p.m. I hear somebody rustling around on my porch. I go out and was just about to yell “What the fuck!?” when I see it is an old couple, and they are trying to get my HOSE going. And that is because the old woman is covered in shit! Shit all running down her legs. So the old guy is trying to hose her down with my hose! She’s got her skirt hiked up and he just lets it go, just like I guess she did. I say, oh okay, go ahead, and in fact I gave them some paper towels, because obviously I felt a bit sorry for them, as disgusting as the whole scene was. So he sprays her down and then I guess wipes her off—I didn’t want to watch—and they went on their way. Except the next day when I go to put out my garbage, I find in the can all the shit-covered paper towels and the OLD BIRD’S UNDERWEAR. I mean, really? Anyway, I doubt this is a common incident, people shitting in the streets, but it makes you wonder—shouldn’t there be somewhere for people who are in this… uh… situation, to go? The mayor seems to be throwing money around like crazy, maybe put in a new pubic toilet or two? But it also occurred to me that if she has a problem, like incontinence or something, shouldn’t she be walking around in DEPENDS? Plan in advance? But who knows, maybe she ate some bad SHISH TAOUK. So I suppose it could happen to anyone. [BLEEP!]

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