“edited” by AL SOUTH
M Yes, hello Rant Line.™ I want to RAGE about 990 radio being made a French station instead of being left alone. Those people have worked hard and FOR NO MONEY for years and now they’re getting totally ass-ploughed by the Bell telephone company. First, why is a telephone company allowed to do anything involving radio or TV? Second, if I see one more shitty Bell commercial lying to me about rates and service and anything positive, I’ll go nuts. Bell is really a shit company and they have the worst service, rates and products in Canada. And third, Say No to Bell and SAVE 990 radio! Don’t let the English sports fans suck Bell cock, like the CRTC always does. GO EXPOS. [BLEEP!]
M I’m not really sure there’s a proven link between DEATH METAL and GAYNAL sex. It could just be the music was found ideal for masking the gaynal sounds. I don’t know for sure because I don’t really like either of those things, though maybe I haven’t listened to enough death metal or had enough gaynal. Please make sure you print that correctly: g-a-y-n-a-l. Really the only reason I called was to get that word into general use. [BLEEP!]
M This is for all the supposed SHARP anti-fascist skinheads out there. You guys know that the MUSLIM BROTHERHOOD really don’t like white people, right? You guys could maybe, like, talk to them. And, another thing—you know they just discovered that homophobics are actually deep-down closet homosexuals? So I wonder if you guys, who say you are anti-fascist, if deep down you are not secretly fascist. If you’re really anti-fascist, how come you don’t fight the fascist police? No, you guys would rather beat up on some white guy. What the hell? You got the frickin’ Islam nation that fucking hate fucking white people. But what are you guys doing? Oh yeah, you’re pretending you’re actually making a difference. But in reality you’re just a bunch of closet fascists. Later. [BLEEP!]
F Hey Rant Line™, listen to this [commotion can be heard in the background]. Do you hear that? That’s about 20 CHILDREN on the 24 bus. They’re all from some CAMP and they all keep shouting and singing and laughing, saying things about what they’re doing, which is sitting on a bus shouting and singing and laughing. It makes me feel good about life. The last time I saw so many people having a good time, we were all on E. Let’s hope they don’t grow up to be douches. (bleep)
M Hi. This isn’t much of a rant as it is more the TRUTH. It’s about whether or not a musician should have a DAY JOB. I don’t think it matters. It all goes back to the DEIFYING, the MYTHOS, of musicians, separating us from each other. Yes, there are great talents like Jimi Hendrix and Jeff Buckley. And there is the underground music scene, with tons of bands doing things that aren’t known. They work day jobs. Great writers like BUKOWSKI, who was a POSTMAN for a lot of years, wrote books and poems as a creative outlet. I could fill up the Rant Line™ with tons of stories—like MINGUS, who worked a day job and played at night and then would go off with his kids and then go play again. So there are many different variations and variables to a musician’s life. It’s more about the output and how we enjoy it. Or maybe we criticize it. But be careful, because there is no such thing as what a musician is. They come in many different SHAPES and sizes and colours. Please don’t believe the hype—musicians are just like anybody else. They have some great talents and you should appreciate them for those talents. But do not EXALT them to god-like status. [BLEEP!]
M What up, Rant Line™? I just wanted to ask why every PIZZA place thinks it’s a good MARKETING STRATEGY to advertise two slices for the price of one. Seriously, can you name one pizzeria that doesn’t? It’s like a cabal of GREASY Montreal pizzeria owners came up with this brilliant idea all at once. But tell me this—if every pizzeria sells two for one, then what the fuck is the price of one? What’s the point of reference? Peace. [BLEEP!]
M If anyone is concerned about WASTAGE of food that they should pay attention to 4 Freres, on Parc. They’re throwing away tons of vegetables and AVOCADOS. But what they’re doing is timing it so nobody can go into the bins. The garbage truck just came, and they just tossed out three bags of incredible stuff—avocados, tomatoes, you name it. I am so incensed by that waste that I think we should get a law set in so that any surplus vegetables must be donated. And if anybody out there cares to act on that—I don’t know who the MP is, and I’m not political, but I do feel responsible for what they’re doing somehow—please go ahead. [BLEEP!]
M All you fucking, finger-licking CHICKEN LOVERS ought to know that the boneless chicken you’re eating had their bones turned to jelly by some fucking toxin solvent shit. Check it out, dude, if you don’t believe me. And another thing, does anybody know why the fucking tap water in the Plateau stinks like an alligator’s asshole? Peace and love, bro. [BLEEP!]
F Put your fucking SHIRTS back on greaseballs. I don’t care how hot it is. This isn’t your backyard and you being shirtless is a little on the puke-inducing side. [BLEEP!]