“edited” by AL SOUTH
F Sorry, genius, I just need to make sure I got that right—MOHAWKS are the GATEWAY haircut to gang violence? Is that right? Tell you what—you don’t tell me how to groom my kid, and I won’t tell you to eat shit, you ignoramus. [BLEEP!]
F To the bitch who called to pass judgement on how women should dress—shut your fucking mouth you stupid bitch. Why not come out and say what you want to say—the VICTIMS of rape are to blame. I can wear anything I want if I feel comfortable and don’t need some self-righteous bitch condemning me for my choices. Sometimes I dress CLASSY, sometimes I go a bit SLUTTY. Depends on my mood, where I’m going. So maybe realise there are some women who actually are comfortable with their bodies and don’t mind showing it off. Also, lick my snatch. Seriously. Get down there and lick it. Okay. Take care Rant Line™ Love you to pieces! [BLEEP!]
M I’m just back from the fucking depanneur, Friday night, the GARBAGE TRUCK has gone by, and these people are putting their garbage out on the sidewalk. It’s going to sit there and ROT for five days. What the fuck is up with that? Do you not know when the garbage truck goes by? Are you the fucking people who let your dog shit on the sidewalk right in front of my door every day? What the fuck is up with you? Get a fucking life. FUCK. [BLEEP!]
F This is to whoever thought the best place for the ALOUETTES to play football was at the Molson Stadium. Thanks for turning the whole area into a parade of idiots and MOUTH-BREATHERS every time the Alouettes play. “Oh, there’s only one two-lane road to get to or from the stadium? That’s PERFECT.” Typical Montreal—all bells whistles, no brains. Those of us who live and work in the area don’t appreciate having some SPVM cadet telling us we can’t turn down our own street because it’s blocked off “pour la match,” or waiting through eight turns of the stop-lights because University is an Als Bus Only lane. We also don’t like having our local pubs filled with guys who are, for all intents and purposes, fucking AMERICAN REDNECKS, there to load up on MEAT and BEER before farting their way to watch football. Or have them hooting through the streets on their way back to whatever fucking barn they snort in when there’s no CFL game. Here’s a good idea—make the Alouettes play in the crumbling shell of the Big O, far from everything and out of the god-damned way. The Canadiens can play hockey at the same time, and there’s probably still be room left over for a baseball game. Then everyone who doesn’t mind traffic jams and idiocy can all go to the Big O and watch their sports until their minds turn to GELATO, and then the Big O can collapse on them and act as a huge burial mound for the city’s stupidest citizens. Okay. Bye-bye. [BLEEP!]
M I just want to tell that lady who called to rant about FAT PEOPLE RIGHTS that I feel her pain, but think she could probably lose weight by eating less and exercising more. She doesn’t have to be fat forever. Even though she probably will be if all she does is phone the Rant Line™ to insist people be nicer to fat people. Good luck, fatty-fatty. Enjoy your Tim-Bits 20-pack. [BLEEP!]
M I’d like to cast my vote for this Rant Line™ titties thing. Can’t get enough titties. [BLEEP!]
M I read that guy’s rant about wanting to see some TIT PIX on this here lovely website, and I think he completely misses the point of the Rant Line Agenda, which is to appeal to everyone and be a forum where everyone is equal and can express an opinion free of outside influence. Also, I think he may be on to something. Maybe start with just, angry, outspoken or opinionated tits, then add some tits that hate CHOM, then add some tits who hate the Montreal music scene. Tits are smart business on the Internets! Tits and torrents. Why else have an Internets? Let’s go Rant Line Tits! [BLEEP!]
F Hey Rant Line™ how come it’s never HOT GUYS who come to change my hot water tank or deliver my appliances, or whatever. Because if they were hot I would fuck every single one of them, and I am pretty sure they would fuck me too. The Hot Guy Dispatcher is fucking up.[BLEEP!]