“edited” by AL SOUTH
M Hey Rant Line™ I just want to say big ups to the CRACKHEAD who thinks smoking crack is ok because famous people do it. And also, ASS SHORTS rule. Peace. [BLEEP!]
F Hey what’s up. I just figured out what they were talking about in that line in Beautiful Losers when they are talking about the VIRGO CURSE. It means that the natural conclusion of being better than everyone, is that you get broken up with for being better than someone. I would know about this because me and Leonard Cohen have the same birthday. [BLEEP!]
F Has TEXTING become the new face to face? When did people actually stop meeting up and begin dealing with things only through emoticons and random commentary about the day? I am all for new technology and things moving forward, but Jesus Christ, if you have been texting me for three weeks, don’t you think we should meet up once in a while? What is the world coming to? [BLEEP!]
F Dear Metro lady and your two ridiculous girlfriends at Metro Guy. The reason I threw the newspaper on the floor in front of your LOTUS FEET is because you threw it in front of my feet! I do not appreciate having a newspaper being thrown at my feet. Not even the Post. Thrown at my feet like my presence doesn’t matter. I understand that you have the ASS of a PRINCESS and sitting on the newspaper that was on your seat is a major yuck factor for you, but you only displaced the problem. And I did not enjoy throwing it on the floor, because contrary to your belief, I didn’t do it because I hate the environment. No. I did it so you understand how it feels when someone throws something at you. And even then, you didn’t get it, when you and your cool friends gave me the stare. And yes, I did laugh when you picked it up on your way out of the train and put it back on the seat. You could have just kept it beside you the whole time! And I don’t feel bad for calling your friend a twit when she gave me the ANGRY KITTEN stare, looking more like childish mouse. Grow me a favour and grow some manners and keep your trash to your self. [BLEEP!]
M I was in the wrong. I was riding on the SIDEWALK on my BICYCLE. Cop gives me a ticket. As he’s typing it into his little fucking digital bicycle thing, I see cars bombing on Notre Dame. The speed limit is 40 and they’re all doing way beyond that. And as he’s writing the ticket I am trying to figure out why the fuck aren’t you SPEED-GUNNING them and giving them bigger tickets instead of my chump-ass a fucking $41 ticket!? What the fuck is that? [BLEEP!]
M The guy carting off the CRT monitor that you saw was probably a TERRORIST who will make a TERRORIST DEVICE from the parts in the CRT monitor. You should have called that one in. [BLEEP!]
F Yes, I just read a story about three douches beating up what the news said was a TRANSGENDER woman, and I don’t know what to think. Is a transgender woman a man who is making the crossover to woman or a woman making the cross to man? I’d think it’s a woman who wants to be a man. But if you think about that for a while and you’ll see it’s no easy thing to figure out without a picture. Maybe it should stand on its own. You know. Just transgender—one word meaning a mash up of the two. Then, if they have to specify, it can be like, transgender northbound, because they want to grow some boobs, or transgender southbound, because they want to sprout a dick. I just really don’t know. Anyway, I’m pretty bored right now so I wanted to talk to somebody about this. Bye-bye. [BLEEP!]
M What the hell has happened to the Rant Line™? You used to have a lot more about the scene and what bands are a bunch of PUSSIES. I remember there were whole BAND WARS that fucking played out. It was awesome. Now it’s all a bunch of, I dunno, like, bullshit whiners and fucking loons talking some weird psychic shit. Bring back the old Rant Line™! [BLEEP!]
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