“edited” by AL SOUTH
M Let me say this bro. I’m too old now and don’t listen to any music, let alone METAL. But then I read the Rant Line™ and saw that guy talking about metal and FANTASY I thought, fuck, man—MANOWAR. And now I can’t stop fucking listening to Manowar again and I haven’t listened to them in seriously over a decade! And they’re fucking touring! Let’s get Manowar to Montreal this summer! [BLEEP!]
F While we’re on the subject of CASHIERS, let me get this one out there— didn’t there used to be a time the cashier would pack your bags for you? Or some PIMPLY teenage boy would pack your bags? Now it’s just, “Do you need a bag?” And if you say yes, they toss you a plastic bag, or if they so no they toss you nothing, and hurry through ringing up the items while you struggle to pack, get money out, get change, and then they’re moving right on to the next person, shuffling all the other person’s EGGS and whatever at you to make it more clear that you’re taking too much time getting your crap packed up. Meanwhile, all the assholes in line are like glaring at you. It’s seriously a nerve-wracking affair to go to the supermarket these days. [BLEEP!]
M Hey, you know what’s more ironic than ironic FACIAL HAiR? Sucking my salty balls, you piece of shit douche hipster. Seriously. You’re pathetic. Kill yourselves. [BLEEP!}
F I’m just curious on what planet is suspension WITH pay a punishment? I mean, I don’t know if everyone saw it, this YouTube thing of the guy in Trois-Rivieres who was beaten—I mean seriously assaulted without any reason—by the cops, and they were all suspended with pay! By my definition, not working but still getting paid, that’s a VACATION. So these four animals, who beat the shit out of this guy, they lie to their supervisors about how he was threatening them. Then the video gets out and it shows this guy lying on the ground, basically saying, “Okay, I’m just going to lay here so you can arrest me,” and then these fucking animals start ripping him apart. And their supervisors are like, “Oh, well they clearly lied and were clearly wrong, so we’ll let them take some time off to think about their actions while we conduct an investigation. And while they’re off for being animals, we’ll just keep right on paying them their salaries.” I understand a full investigation or whatever has to be done, but let them sit home with no money and an ELECTRONIC SHACKLE on their ankles while they wait. If me and my friends beat the crap out of a guy, we wouldn’t be told to go on home and relax while the cops looked into it. Amazing. And did you hear about the girl out west who called the cops because she was raped and then they found some outstanding warrant and threw her in a jail cell for the week-end—just raped and without medical care? And this whole RCMP scandal, being accused of terrorizing aboriginal women for years? Psychopaths with badges. They don’t deserve our respect and they sure don’t deserve paid vacation as punishment. [BLEEP!]
M Won’t be long now. All the snow will be gone and the nights will be warm. The birds will sing in the trees and the drink will flow and life will return to Montreal. And then we’ll all get to see some TITTIES. [BLEEP!]
F Yeah, keep up the awesome RACISM, Rant Line™. You were sort of getting side-tracked and maybe a little heavy on the sexism, so it’s great you found some time to up your racist content, too. It’s what the world needs more of. Racism. And I’m being sarcastic, in case you didn’t know, so…. okay. [BLEEP!]
F Hi. I have a question that maybe you can give me the answer to. Why do all your ranters always make claims to have such BIG DICKS? For example, a few weeks ago someone mentioned sucking a big throbbing cock. Are callers more likely to have big cocks and that makes their brains smaller, or are their brains small so they don’t know how to measure their cocks, and they just assume it’s big? Or are they just all liars? Maybe they do all have big dicks, but it seems more likely to me they’ve got little dicks and that’s why they call you to complain instead of BEING A MAN and dealing with their shit maturely. Maybe I’m wrong but I don’t think so. [BLEEP!]
M Rant Line™! You are my love and my sweetest thing! Rant Line™, I like to read you and I like to cover you in honey and lick it off of you under the stars and the moon! Rant Line™, don’t you ever go and be something you’re not because you’re already everything to me! Oh, Rant Line™ my beautiful Rant Line™, I hope one day we can meet and make rant BABIES from sex! Tell me you won’t leave me, my beautiful Rant Line™! [BLEEP!]
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