“edited” by AL SOUTH
F Hello, I just wanted to say that I am not a PARANOID PERSON, I don’t think, but I was at my local fruit and vegetable store—I won’t name it, you know where it is—and the woman at the cash was weighing my vegetables, my EGGPLANTS, and she stopped to SNEEZE into her hands! And then she went right on weighing and handling them and then she gave me back my cash, which I have to say I was almost reluctant to take. I was going to say, no it’s ok, keep the change! But you know, I am sure she did not mean to do it or do it on purpose, she just wasn’t thinking about it, but I was thinking about it—I was thinking about the CORNOVIRUS and this is something we all should be thinking about. I heard on the news some guy from Harvard, some professor or doctor, an academic, saying that he thinks 70 per cent of the WORLD—the world!—will eventually get this virus. So we all need to do what we can to do stop it from spreading—if we even can. We need to be VIGILANT. Anyway, that’s all I wanted to say. Stay healthy. [BLEEP!]
M Good day Rant Line™, I am calling to say that it is great, just great, that the city has decided not to bring back the LIME SCOOTERS. Yes I am being sarcastic. Now personally I did not use the scooters very much, if you saw me you would know why. Let’s just say I am of a big build, I have a WIDE STANCE, that is not really suited to riding a scooter. I would look ridiculous, and would probably be a danger to myself and others. But never mind me, lots of people DID use the scooters. The scooters were a cheap and really eco-friendly way to get around town. As far as I know nobody was killed riding them, so they weren’t as dangerous as some people thought they might be in the beginning. So what was the problem? That we didn’t follow the rules! “Non-compliance with the rules” was what I heard reported. We weren’t putting them back where they were supposed to go, or something like that. Between the GREEN LINES. Really? Cities all over Europe have e-scooters, they are very popular there, they seem to be able to figure out how to make them work and where to put them. Are we really the only place that can’t follow the rules? We are that UNRULY? I am not sure who is to blame for this. Is it us, the people, the Montrealers—are we are just too undisciplined to follow rules? So as a result we don’t deserve eco-friendly electronic scooters? No scooters for you! Or were the regulations poorly planned and not properly enforced? I think it might be the second choice. But either way, it is a shame. No scooters for you! [BLEEP!]
M Here’s a piece of good news—the teacher from Oshawa who was accused of giving her 10-year-old student a HANDJOB—in front of the class—has had the charges dropped. Please think about that for a moment. A 10-year-old kid said his teacher gave him a handjob—in front of the class—and the police immediately went and arrested her. They didn’t talk to her, they didn’t talk to any of the 30 students who were in the class, to ask them if they had seen the handjob. They didn’t think, well this sounds very unlikely, a handjob in front of the class. They just arrested her. They put her in handcuffs, put her in jail. And so OBVIOUSLY the charges have now been dropped, because obviously the charges were outrageous, but, and here’s the thing, it took two years! Two years she had to live with these charges. Doesn’t seem fair to me, does it seem fair to you? [BLEEP!]
M Ok, here I am driving on the Metropolitan, on the 40, and I am trying to get onto the Decarie heading south, and it is a total fucking logjam, traffic is at a standstill, we are barely moving and it has been like this for half an hour. This happens every day, at practically any time of the day, everybody who drives knows this. It is un-fucking acceptable. But is anyone going to try to fix it, come up with a plan? NOPE. Instead what we are going to do is build a big massive fucking MEGA-MALL—the ROYALMOUNT project—right here where the traffic is fucking amongst the worst in Canada! Who thought this was a good idea? Let’s put a great big mall where the traffic is really bad! Who allowed this? Jesus Christ, we would be better of if they just BLEW UP the entire Decarie and everything around it and started all over. Not build a fucking mega-mall! [BLEEP!]
M Habs are out of the playoffs—well, any minute now. For the fourth time in five years. This is as bad as the LEAFS. I’ve been watching this over the years—Toronto got everything, all the money, got bigger, more people, got baseball, got basketball, but the one thing we had was the Habs, the Montreal Canadiens, the most storied franchise in history, 24 Stanley cups, blah blah blah. Now we have a whole generation—two generations—three generations?—I don’t know, Montrealers who are nearly 30 years old, who have never seen their team win a Stanley Cup! It’s unbelievable. And yet people still support the team and talk about the team and wear Habs jerseys and bleed red white and blue and the organization still makes money hand over fist—even though it produces a DISMAL PRODUCT. Leading the league in revenue, stinking out the league on the ice. Go Habs go! [BLEEP!]
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